In this day, you see many couplings of a man and a woman that are labelled as relationships. Romance and its like has been stretched so far and out of proportion that anyone who stops for a moment, would wonder if exploitation is in the air.
It seems almost taboo to say that a woman should shut the **** up, but it is acceptable in many social circles for the woman to denigrate their husbands.
Men whine that women control the purse strings of the household, but they never make the effort to be financially wise and prudent.
The blame game reeks so badly, it actually stinks relationships of today. For me, I'm a person thats old school; back to the roots. I believe in a relationship that is loving, filled with grace and strength, passion and long suffering.
It takes a man who is responsible to love his wife beyond himself and a woman who is responsible to love her husband beyond herself.
It is sad when you hear men who want to get women they can control, or women who want to get men who love them more than they love him.
Ultimately, true love only blossoms in vulnerability.
Why are we moved by movies where the hero and heroine go through trauma together and come out? It is because their love is forged with a new set of rules, where one risks his life for the other.
In our fear-driven society, we rather not risk for the other person, in case we come out with the shorter end of the stick.
Control
If you take a deep breath and find that your relationship has one party with obvious control, then control runs wild in the relationship and deep love is hindered from blossoming.
Overt Control - This is the most obvious. The party that gives all the instructions. Usually, this party will also be blamed for any problems in the relationship.
Passive Aggressive Control (PAC) - Where there is overt control, there must be passive aggressive control. Like a magnet, a relationship will never function with one-sided overt control. Passive Aggressive control occurs when the other party knows the weak spot of the person with over control, and on the surface it looks like the on with Overt Control (OC) is ruling. Under the surface however, the person with PAC knows that doing certain actions will make the OC crumble, and will frequently use these actions in the background to control. In the foreground, it will look "normal", thus reinforcing the PAC's image.
Present Day Relationships
These control issues manifests themselves broadly in the types of relationships that are prevalent around us today.
Boy - Mother: Many men these days are boys at heart, and look for women who are direct and have self-purpose. They allow their women to control family functions that are predominantly male in essence. It allows them to be boyishly irresponsible, as the mother figure will protect them.
Whatever passive traits that their father has in relation to their mothers, they will carry on these passive traits.
Girl - Father: Women these days having been thrust into a male-dominated workforce to succeed, have little time to be vulnerable outside of the embrace of their fathers. Hence, the only place to be safe is in an environment that is like a father's love. They usually get away with kiddish behaviour and spoilt daughter syndromme.
Problems occur when they carry forward all their misgivings with their father to their husband. Whatever their mothers do to their fathers, they will do to their husbands. They usually also distrust their partner's judgements when it comes to really crux of the matter issues.
Man - Woman: This relationship is characterised by a man who is not ashamed to be a warrior. A man who is chivalrous and unapologetic that he is the sharp end of the sword. His partner is a woman that embraces the weight of the relationship, her husband, the world, and knows that the beauty of nature is also the infinite power of destruction in her radiance. Both are responsible, both are fearful, both are courageous and most importantly both will lay down their lives for the sake of the other.
Is your relationship at the level of passion you fantasise it to be?
True love through vulnerability (even only from one side) invokes an opening of a heart that no words can fully describe, nor any wedding banquet can fully project.
It heals your soul and your world; it injects life and in turn creates a better generation.
If you suspect, this is what is empty in your heart. First start by reclaiming your own masculine-feminine energy.
That little quiet still voice in times of crisis is the one we must learn to follow. Yet, we tend to short-change our destiny by taking the path driven by fear (even if it is more painful in the shortrun), as it gives us certainty and removes vulnerability.
.. But that is where true love, and great power lies.
To find out how to use day to day activities to heighten your masculine and feminine energies, drop me an email for a consultation session. :) do it today. or you'll wake up tomorrow asking why you did not do it yesterday.
winston @ innerhealth.com.sg
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